Thursday, June 17, 2010

I have finally seen "Avatar"

I watched it at a private viewing, so it didn't cost me anything (besides the beer, chips and salsa, which I would have eaten anyway). I refuse to surrender any of my hard-earned cash for that thing.

The film can be summed up in three words (just not sure which to use):

-Festival of Cliches
-It Was Stupid
-Smurfs on Dragons (that was Mrs. Beazly's)
-Shut Pandora's Box
-Worst Movie Ever
-Not Worth Suicide

I don't need to review it, because that's been done a thousand times, but I agree with all who said that while the graphics/computer animation were truly stunning, everything else was predictable, silly and one-dimensional (I did not see it in 3-D, heh). Note to James Cameron: next time you go looking for a story idea and/or screenplay, hire someone who can write one--please avoid the Hollywood Cliche Vending Machine. And consider giving us a happy ending. The comedy was abruptly cut short when (spoiler alert!) the hero was killed.  (I speak, of course, of the sadistic war-mongering Marine/corporal). I laughed, I cried, I wanted to shout "TiiiimmmBerrrrrrr!" when (spoiler alert!) the HomeTree came crashing down in splinter and flame.

It might have been the most wasted 2.5 hours of my life, if not for the beer and the company (which were both very good).


  1. In keeping with my traditional method for film review, I will offer this morsel. Avas--t.

  2. I have missed your one-word film reviews, Ted. And hockey isn't the same without "Off-Color Commentary".

  3. I have whole bag of them saved up. I'm almost bursting. I toyed with "Avatarry Stool" but I thought it was too arcane. Then again there's only three of us who read this.

    There was plenty of off color commentary during this year's play-offs. Especially watching Scott (Weird Al) Hartnell running around cross-checking people. I tried real hard to keep it clean 'round the little ones.

  4. Yeah, for all the people who are reading this, you could safely give out your locker combination (35-10-7) or tell the secret of how you once hid cheese in your bed and then blamed it on your little niece. No one would ever know!

  5. I don't remember the cheese incident but she used to hide her cigarettes in my room.