An open letter to Theo Caldwell and SUN TV

Dang you, Theo and SUN News TV! You’re making me lose way too much sleep. I can’t watch my new favourite shows during the day or early evening because I’m either homeschooling my children, or preparing dinner (we say supper here in the civilized parts of the nation) or doing other stuff with my family. So I tend to watch from about ten at night until the wee wee hours.

I have long admired the writing and various other antics of the likes of Ezra Levant, Charles Adler, John Robson, and Brian Lilley –what a treat to see them on TV. But Theo Caldwell! Having never before heard of him (sorry, I don’t get out much), I was impressed by his dazzling smile and witty repartee. He won me over completely by the third show (April 20), when he shrugged and said: “We are no longer lovers” (he was mocking Bob Rae—don’t ask, just watch the video). I think I laughed for two minutes straight.

And that’s such a refreshing change. The CBC news never makes me laugh, not even when the studio lights glare with extra brilliance off Peter Mansbridge’s advancing forehead (hey, if the left-lib wingnuts can diss the SUN ladies for being too beautiful, I can diss the billion dollar Mansbridge for being too bald). Theo Caldwell is not bald, and he winks at the audience. It’s been a long time since a nice young man winked at me. It’s been a long time since any man winked at me. Peter Mansbridge never winks (nor would I wish him to), but he does smirk occasionally. I don’t like smirking, especially when it accompanies values I don’t hold… and I’m paying a billion dollars for it.

I was very impressed by the Caldwell Account’s Good Friday show. As one other viewer said in his fan email, I couldn’t believe I was watching Canadian TV. Theo acknowledged--nay, dare I say, almost celebrated the fact of Canada’s having been founded on Judeo-Christian principles.

Mr. Caldwell is charming, intelligent, hilarious, and so cuuuuute! (I can say that with no hint of self-interest, since I’m happily married, and old enough to be his mom’s much younger sister.) Oh, and great start to the playoff beard.

As much as I love Ezra, Brian and company, it’s The Caldwell Account that I just can’t miss. I sure hope SUN TV isn’t just a really long, good dream I’m having, and I’ll wake up one day to find myself watching CBC reruns of Return (Yet Again, Once More) to Avonlea Meets Little Mosque on the Canadian Human Rights Tribunal’s Ode to Pierre Trudeau…In A Canoe.

After such a long, cold winter, what a joy it is to see the SUN! Now if we could only do something about the even longer Winter of our Discontent and find a way to end taxpayer funding of the CBC. If that broadcaster wants to stay on the air, it should be required to do so with PBS telethon-style fundraising. How I should like to see Peter Mansbridge come cap in hand before Joe and Sally Lunchbucket and have to smirk for his supper.
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