Sunday, March 11, 2012

Out of the mouths of babes

Why I am a Mother

(A list compiled for me by Miss Pinkerton #2, when she was between the ages of  3 and 4. She is now 20.)

I am a mother because:
*I wash people’s bums
*I cook meals
*I have a fat tummy
*I do laundry
*I pick up things around the house
*I read to my children
*my face looks like a mother
*I smell like a mother (hand lotion)
*God saved me for a mother

That about covers it!
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Saturday, March 10, 2012

I thought a week-long labour was tough!

Not that I ever had one (my personal record is a wimpy 18 hours), but I know someone who did. But this mom's ordeal tops them all:

A Polish woman endured what's being called "the longest labour ever" to ensure that her premature babies would survive. And they did.Joanna Krzysztonek spent 75 days in labour lying nearly upside down in an effort to save her two unborn children after the third, born at 22 weeks, died.
Wow. That's dedication. Good on her--and good on her doctors for supporting her and helping save her children. Some doctors would have told her it wasn't worth it, and she should just "start over". May she and her family thrive.
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Simple but true

Written on one of those generic inspirational posters in a sports facility:


A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.

It's true for everything, especially evangelization and life in Christ.
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"When even casual sex requires a state welfare program, you're pretty much done for"

No one can say it like The Steyn. Miss Fluke goes to Washington, at the OCR.

Where was I? Oh, yes. The brave middle-age schoolgirl had the courage to stand up in public and demand that someone else pay for her sex life.
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Friday, March 9, 2012

Media War

"My goal is to destroy the mainstream media as we currently know it." 

Breitbart interviewed by the Hoover Institution. Worth the 33:36 minutes of your life, especially if you are interested in media's centrality in the culture war.



Godspeed every man, woman and child who takes up the cause.

Now heading directly to Amazon.ca to purchase Righetous Indignation.
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I won a huge lottery prize of charity bonanza!

For which I did not even buy a ticket! Imagine my excitement when I opened my email and read THIS:


We are please to infom you that you have been selected to receive a United Nations
special compensation prize of 2,500,000 dollars as charity bonanza. This is part of the
United Nations program to alleviate poverty from the grass root. to claim your prize
contact our claims officer Mr.Patrick Collins With the informations below:

1.) Full Names...
2.) Home Address..
3.) Home/Mobile Phone...
4.) Sex...
5.) Occupation....
6.) Age...
7.) State of Origen......

Sir.Jan Kubis
(Executive Secretary UN Economic Commission)


No wonder the UN is going broke! Giving out random prizes of  $2.5 million to every Tom, Dick and Harry will certainly relieve the recipients' poverty, but it won't do much to eliminate that "grass root" (hint: try Roundup--generic name glyphosate). And compensation for what? Oh, this is the UN, where you can get money for nothing. 

And does item 7.) mean the (U.S.) State of Oregon, or are they inquiring after the state of Origen, as in the early Christian Alexandrian scholar and theologian? I regret to infom you of this, Sir.Jan, but Origen's current state is, well, dead. 

Sometimes spam can be fun, and this one was certainly a change from "Max Enlargement Pills." 
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"We believe in Contraception..."

"all the livelong daaaaay" ...sung to the tune of "I've Been Working on the Railroad". (God forgive me-- it gives Dinah won't you blow a whole new meaning...)

Quite beyond satire. Breitbart TV




More lyrics: "Keep the government out of my uterus."

Oh yes! Um, EXCEPT for forcing other people, especially the Catholic Church, to pay for all my contraceptives and abortions! Then the government can come on in a have a big old field day!

And I know it's not just my imagination, because Ann Coulter also mentioned it in her speech at CPAC, but why are these lefty wimmin always so frumpy, dumpy and homely looking?

This does give one hope, in a strange sort of way, however. If this is typical of what the Left produces, intellectually and aesthetically, it makes our job just a wee bit easier.
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Is the Church relevant?

A great article at Crisis Magazine about the 'relevance' of the Church in general and Pope Benedict in particular.

Which brings us to another great “relevance” of Benedict’s pontificate: his desire to ensure that more Catholics understand the actual content of what they profess to believe.
It’s no great secret that Catholic catechesis went into freefall after Vatican II. It’s true that much pre-Vatican II catechesis was characterized by rote-learning rather than substantive engagement with the truths of the Faith. But as early as 1983, Joseph Ratzinger signaled his awareness of the lamentable post-Vatican II catechetical state of affairs in two speeches he gave in Paris and Lyons. Much to the professional catechists’ displeasure — but to the delight of Cardinal Jean-Marie Lustiger and every young priest present — Ratzinger zeroed in on the huge gaps in the catechetical text-books then in vogue.

We've been battling this for 30 years but things have still not changed significantly on the ground (or in the pew). That's sad, but we are going in the right direction.

Hence, as one French commentator recently observed, at least one sub-text of Benedict’s Year of Faith is that “doctrinal break-time” for the Church is over. This point was underscored by the recent Note issued by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. Along the other practical suggestions it gives for furthering the Year of Faith, the Note emphasizes “a profound bond between the lived faith and its contents” (i.e., true ortho-praxis can only be based on ortho-doxy). It also stresses that Catholics need to know the content of the Catechism and the actual documents of Vatican II (rather than, sotto voce, the ever-nebulous “spirit of Vatican II” that seems indistinguishable from whatever’s preoccupying secular liberals at any given moment in time).

Read it all. The conclusion is particularly uplifting.

h/t Deborah Gyapong, link on Facebook.

Read Pope Benedict's apostolic letter Porta Fidei here.
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I assume this involves moving to Toronto

Which is partly why I won't be applying for the job. Oh, and also because I'm not qualified. But since my soon-to-be retiring editor sent this to all contributors and subscribers,  I'm posting it here, doing my bit.

Job Opportunity


Catholic Insight is seeking a full-time editor for its monthly magazine. Reporting to the board of directors, the editor will direct, manage and co-ordinate all the writing, supervisory, production and administrative duties. 


Catholic Insight  magazine seeks to enlighten hearts and minds by proclaiming the splendour of truth and the sanctity of life. 


Qualifications:

  • Demonstrated competence in writing and editing
  • In-depth knowledge of Catholic theology
  • Commitment to the Magisterium of the Catholic Church
  • Knowledge of historical and current social and political issues in Canada
  • Experience in working co-operatively with others
  • Experience in supervising staff
To apply, please send a cover letter which includes salary expectations and detailed resume, with references, to:


HRLifeEthics@gmail.com


or by surface mail to:


(Private and Confidential)
Board President,
Life Ethics Information Centre,
P.O. Box 625 Adelaide Station, 31 Adelaide Street East,
Toronto, Ontario, M5C 2J8


Deadline for submissions April 18, 2012


(I was sorely tempted to add "Willingness to keep Mrs. Pinkerton on as a columnist" to the list of qualifications, but I forbore.)
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It's Friday

In fact, the third Friday of Lent. For those who observe it, a day of fasting and abstinence from meat (or anything else you find inordinately enjoyable, such as too many hours online *cough*)

To inspire you, a hymn found here (iBreviary, an easy and painless way to pray the Liturgy of the Hours), linked here, Coffee and Canticles, one of my favourite sites.

HYMN

Thank you, God, for giving us US!
Thank you, God, for giving us US!
Thank you, God, for giving us US!
Riiiiiii-ight where we are!





Kidding! (as you can see, I'm not fasting from sarcasm today)

Here's the actual hymn.


The fast, as taught by holy lore,
We keep in solemn course once more:
The fast to all men known, and bound
In forty days of yearly round.

The law and seers that were of old
In divers ways this Lent foretold,
Which Christ, all seasons’ King and guide,
In after ages sanctified.

More sparing therefore let us make
The words we speak, the food we take,
Our sleep and mirth, and closer barred
Be every sense in holy guard:

Avoid the evil thoughts that roll
Like waters o’er the heedless soul;
Nor let the foe occasion find
Our souls in slavery to bind.



Melody: Schütz’ Psalm 66 L.M.
Music: Heinrich Schütz, 1585-1672 
Text: Ex more docti mystico, attributed to Saint Gregory the Great, 540-604
Translation: John M. Neale, 1818-1866
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Pundette told me to read this

and so I did. It's been far too long since I've visited the American Spectator. Here is  George Neumayr's takedown of the HHS mandate and the flukes flakes who want to benefit from it.

Far more troubling than Rush Limbaugh's comment about Sandra Fluke is the cowardice of country club Republicans who refuse to join the talk show host in denouncing Obama for his war on religion. If anybody deserves an apology from Rush, it is prostitutes. They pay for their birth control themselves, and, unlike Fluke, they don't demand that the clergy underwrite their carnal activities.
Let's cut the PC crap: college and law school students who demand that priests and nuns finance their fornication deserve searing satirical treatment. This is the sorriest collection of arrogant snots in the history of academia. 


He doesn't spare the Jesuits of Georgetown U. either:

In other words, the flaky modern Jesuits DeGioia represents stand ready to give Fluke an allowance for her pre-marital sex. Somehow I can't imagine the Jesuit founder, St. Ignatius of Loyola, describing a demand from one of his students for subsidized sin as an "expression of conscience."

No indeed, but we live in strange, strange times.
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Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Dumb Old Housewife's Good Wife's Guide

This is apparently a fake, but if you've ever perused an etiquette or home economics book from the same era, you know it's not too highly exaggerated. Ladies, how do you measure up? 

The Good Wife's Guide
A good wife always knows her place...
Let him talk first and cater to your husband's comfort for immense personal satisfaction!

Extract from a May 13, 1955 Housekeeping Monthly article
  • Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, (STRIKE ONE!) even the night before, to have a delicious(STRIKE TWO!) meal ready, on time(STRIKE THREE! YERRR OUT!) for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish)(Mr. B's is blue with squares on it. Tellingly, it's a cereal bowl.) is part of the warm welcome needed.
  • Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest(In what alternate universe is this compatible with point #1?) so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon  (satin, lace, or dried pancake batter?) in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.(Not like you, who has been immersed in an uplifting exchange with a poopy toddler who's 2 hours past his nap time.)
  • Be a little gay and a little more interesting(than what?) for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
  • Clear away the clutter.(Sorry, did I miss the point where I rent a backhoe?) Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
  • Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.(Oh, okay, I don't need a backhoe; I need that thing the Cat in the Hat uses.)
  • Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by.(Does it count if it's in the bottom of the oven?) Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order,(Whoa, exactly what kind of smoke is coming off this 'fire'?) and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
  • Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes.(You may actually need the assistance of the Cat in the Hat himself to accomplish this in time.) They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.(They will have a hard time with this as they giggle hysterically at the sight of you frantically running around the house turning off all the appliances you're supposed to be using to get the house ready for their dad's arrival.)
  • Be happy to see him.
  • Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.(Done and done. Mr. B. is a pretty nice guy.)
  • Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him,(like, "I JUST STARTED A FIRE!!") but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
  • Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.(...except when he'd rather go to 'other places of entertainment without you'.)
  • Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility(See baseball allusion above.) where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
  • Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
  • Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night.(Yes, until you actually find his abandoned car with "HELP ME" written in blood on his gray flannel suit coat, you're just cramping his style, Toots!) Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
  • Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.(And a cozy strait jacket ready for you.)
  • Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.(Is dissatisfied muttering about leaky eavestroughs okay?)
  • Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.(Although he may have a couple of questions for you, like, 'What's that thing in your hair?' and 'Why are you pulling my footwear off while you growl at me?' and 'WHERE'S THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!?")
  • A good wife always knows her place.(and that's how she avoids tripping on anything in the dark.)
Well, some things never do change. As it says in the Snopes article, linked above:
 "Certainly, the tribulations of running a home were never to be openly compared with a man's daily travails. He earned money, she didn't; thus his work was important."
In our enlightened modern times, we dumb old housewives are privileged to have men and women tell us our work is unimportant.
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In honour of International Women's Day, Part II

Something that makes me darn glad to BE one:



From our Killer Headlines AND Beyond Satire files

California school district mulls fate of teacher believed to have appeared in porn video

"Mulls"?

"We're trying to determine if there's a nexus on what she does on her own time and what she does in the classroom," [School District Superintendent Jeff Chancer] said.
[...] On Tuesday, the district sent a letter to parents of students at all three of its junior high schools, asking that their children not search Internet sex sites for the teacher's image.

Good luck with that. Basic math:

Anything-goes Sex-Ed + Moral relativism + Kids more tech/internet savvy than their parents + adolescent hormones = Everyone in school has already seen the videos

No child left behind.

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Eleven followers!

Welcome Lou! In your honour, a Flannery quotation:


"Only if we are secure in our beliefs can we see the comical side of 
the universe."


Source unknown (for now), but I found the quotation at the motherlode, If Flannery Had a Blog.
It looks as though it's not being updated (last post, 2010) but there are archives going back to 2004. So that'll keep me busy for a while...
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In honour of International Women's Day

... a very short, simple quiz.

Question 1: which of the women below are currently being helped and supported by contemporary feminism?
















A. Pampered upper-middle-class law students who can afford $6.95 lattes, and well... Law School, but apparently not birth control

















B. These women, who are forbidden by law to feel sunshine on their faces

Think hard. It is not a trick question.



Related. 
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Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Woohooo!

I'm a little late with posting this, but this year's Kinsmen Telemiracle raised $5.9 MILLION this past weekend. Not bad for a hayseed (*cough*) province of about a million souls. Saskatchewan rocks, isn't that right, uppity folks who live in some other parts of Canada? (You know who you are.)

Say what you will about Telemiracle (some people snark about their overhead, etc.),  the telethon and all who work for it (and donate to it) believe that those who are disabled or seriously ill are persons with dignity, and deserving of help in order to lead fuller lives. The telethon represents the best kind of charity: appeals to individuals and businesses, but doesn’t ask for (never mind demand!) government handouts. And it really does assist people, every day of the year. Good on ya, Kinsmen.

It would be a lot easier just to take handicapped people and gas them to death, but well, only the Third Reich did stuff like that...
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The compassionate Left

Just wow. 


When [Adam] Carolla tweeted sympathetic thoughts when news of Breitbart’s death broke (“You can question Breitbart’s politics, but never question his love for his family and his country”), he said he got swarmed with vitriolic anger in response by many.

 First Commandment of the Left:

Thou shalt not step off the Reservation
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"You're not really ... hireable"

Priceless. PJTV interview with Andrew Breitbart, on his evolution from left-liberalism to conservatism. He found, after college (where he was educated into a "cultural Marxis mindset" courtesy of --I kid you not-- his "American Studies" program):

"You don't graduate with any discernable skill sets... I had less skills and less motivation to work than I did when I graduated from high school"

Not exactly a recipe for prosperity.

His awakening began when his father cut him off financially (something he could not comprehend at the time) and had to wait tables.

Hoping this works


I am so pathetic when it comes to technology, but I will attempt to cut and paste a copy of the pdf doc page from The Record, which my editor was kind enough to send me, whereupon is printed a Lenten column I wrote.

It originally appeared a few years back in a newsletter for a wonderful local Catholic family apostolate. (It's the tiny column, to the right of the movie review.



 Since I evidently don't know how to arrange this so that the column/page can be zoomed in on, I will append the text below: