Another great low-carb lunch...or breakfast

"What do you eat for breakfast?" a friend asked the other day. I couldn't lie. The answer was, "Coffee and Facebook." Sometimes I'm not hungry in the morning, and sometimes I'm too lazy or befuddled to make something, because I just don't know what to make. Carbs were my breakfast go-to, and now I'm off breads for the time being. So no more English muffins, toast, bagels, waffles, wraps, pancakes, hot (or cold) cereal.

My recent post about the Cheese-crusted Quiche was one solution, but that's not the sort of thing one tends to whip up on a weekday (however, you can save portions and reheat them, which I plan to do at some point with that recipe).

The other day I built myself a cabbage-leaf wrap for lunch. I didn't take any step-by-step pictures (y'all are smart enough to imagine this on your own). Besides, this is not a recipe so much as an idea. You can put virtually anything you like inside.

I removed, washed and trimmed the stem area from a couple of large outer cabbage leaves and laid them on a dinner plate. I lined the leaves with cheddar cheese slices and nuked it all for 1 minute in the microwave. This softened up the cabbage a bit and melted the cheese. Then I added two large slices of turkey breast deli meat, half an avocado (sliced), some alfalfa sprouts, and garnished it with some salsa.

It was really good. So good, I almost don't miss eating actual flour wraps.
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I am not on the Keto diet

But since I'm going low carb for the time being, I've been googling Keto recipes, and found this Cheese Crusted Keto Quiche last Saturday morning. I wanted something really delicious and satisfying. What ho! It was incredibly delicious and satisfying. I tweaked the recipe a little bit (of course) because I had no ham, but it turned out really well.

Hello from the amusement park!

Last post (oh so long ago-sorry!), I said my life was like a movie. Not really. It's been more like this:

I love this classic photo, which has inspired countless internet memes. It's all the more funny to me because the terrified kid reminds me of one of my daughters (when she was little), and the girl holding her hand reminds me of my niece, who is close to the same age as said daughter.

Every time there's a chronological gap in my blogging, I allude vaguely to how challenging life has been, and I more or less hint that I may explain myself in time, but somehow I never do.

Fitness update

I'm old, but I'm not that old. Going to the gym, circa 1923

OK, I've now completed three workouts, and I have good news: I DIDN'T DIE! And I didn't even throw up (though after my first one last Thursday, I felt pretty nauseated, and my entire body felt like Jello). But I survived! This took place at the local CrossFit gym. I was inspired by a friend and assured that "anyone" can do it: they scale down the exercises and movements to fit your age, fitness level and any injuries or or chronic physical issues that you may have. So far, so good.

And golly, as a Catholic, how can you not be attracted to something with the word "cross" in it? And believe me, after my first three sessions, the emphasis is definitely on the "cross" -- fit, not so much.

I have to do the "On ramp" beginner's class, before I'll be ready to join the regular fitness classes (well, "ready" is a relative word. I may never feel "ready"; the best I might be able to do is "willing"). My first sessions have definitely pushed me to the edge of my strength and abilities. I had not done any research into CrossFit before plunging in; this was so that I would not get intimidated before I even began. But I'm moderately intimidated now. Not only are the workouts hard, but it also looks as though the cost of regular gym membership might be prohibitive, at least for the present. My writing income has been (*cough*) hovering around zero for the last three years. So until I can find a job or two, and earn a few dollars, I don't see how it will be feasible for me to join a second gym. (Our family already frequents another establishment on a semi-regular basis.)
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#selfesteem

Closer to reality

Fantasy--sort of

Today I'm taking the plunge and starting a new fitness adventure. I'm carpooling with a couple of other ladies and going to a gym in a nearby community. Close to the time they were due to arrive, I heard a vehicle pull up outside. "Is this my ride?" I wondered.

No, it wasn't. I hope this isn't an omen.

But with snow. Lots and lots of snow.
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I ran today!

Well, not on the treadmill, or outside. In fact, the total distance was only about 20 feet. But I ran (in my basement) and I didn't pass out, or even feel dizzy afterwards, which is a small miracle. So thank you, my lovely friend, who sent me the Miracle Prayer the other day. I think it helped.

My ears are still popping, but the dizziness is much better. I'm looking forward to feeling normal again, and getting back to some kind of fitness routine.

But not this. I include it because it's so hilarious. Jazzercize was probably THE number one reason why people started hating exercise in the 1980s. I mean, for most of us, it's all we can manage to get up and MOVE, never mind working hairspray, choreography, and smiling into the picture. Enjoy.

I can tolerate the buzzing and popping

But the dizziness is a bit much. Yes, people, I'm still sick. But it's not the flu. It's severe sinusitis (read all about it here, if you care to.) Also called "rhinosinusitis," hence the cartoon. But the last three weeks have been anything but funny. I've experienced a wide range of symptoms, including headaches that have lasted for days on end, face pain, tooth pain, body aches (?), fever, chills, phlegmy cough, runny nose, ticklish throat, loss of sense of taste and smell, nasal congestion, dizziness, buzzing in my ears, and the feeling of having a heavy or "pressurized" head.


I've been on bed rest, fluids, NyQuil, antibiotics (which caused diarrhea--oh joy), Neo Citran (sinus), nasal sprays and inhalers (I also have mild yet chronic asthma). For some strange reason, I thought I'd be up and about within a week of getting sick (I'm used to things like colds, and 24-hour stomach flu), but this is a bit much. Now I'm reading that this sort of thing can last 12 weeks. Yikes, that's 3 months! I'm not going to stand for that. Actually, I can't seem to stand for any length of time.


This virus (or bacterial infection) now seems lodged in my ears: they feel blocked, they buzz constantly, and pop intermittently. I don't know whether to head back to the doctor (I envision getting 4 or 5 more prescriptions if I go that route) or try something more natural, or just keep drinking tea and wait it out. I'm slowly starting to function, and trying to be optimistic. Those who know me also know that I gravitate towards being paranoid about worst possible scenarios. To wit:

In extreme cases the patient may experience mild personality changes, headache, altered consciousness, visual problems, seizures, coma and possibly death.

Let us hope not. There is simply too much to do.
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Because the Neo-Citran isn't working

I've been sick for a few days now. I thought it was a cold at first, but now I'm getting flu-like symptoms. Which is really annoying, because I got a flu shot earlier this fall. (My arm still hurts! I'm gonna guess that's not normal.) I can't sleep at night, which means that I don't get much done during the day, except for tutoring my daughter, as she sits on the edge of my bed, and blogging, and listening to Jordan Peterson vids and podcasts. 

Posted on FB by a friend... and it's so true!

Time for some serious therapy:

The fitness files: husband-wife Christmas presents

My hubby and I bought snowshoes for each other for Christmas. We did this for a few reasons: 

• both of us (and I in particular) need to be in better physical condition
• we wanted to spend more couple-time together (and how better to get a man committed than make him invest some money in the scheme? Mind you, we bought the kits at Costco)
• we wanted an incentive to get out and do some winter exercise and enjoy all that sunshine and crisp fresh air
• snowshoeing seems safer than most other winter sports, and it's something we can continue into our retirement years. A few years back, I fell and dislocated my thumb by (wait for it) cross-country skiing--the Nordic kind!  So I need something fairly fool- and klutz-proof.

I envisioned that we'd be doing this come December 26: 

The fantasy

And yet, here we are January 17:

The reality

The snowshoe kits have not moved more than four feet from the Christmas tree. Maybe the latter part of January will be kinder to us--and I mean that literally. No one can have "fun" with outdoor winter sports when the wind chill is -37 C.

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Lord, Denny...

"Fetch me a glass of wine..."

...and if you know the line of dialogue that follows, then you'll know what I'm about to lament. And it started before the Christmas feasting. Last spring and summer, I lost 22 lb, but since fall, I've gained 11 of it back. Time to get back on the Healthy Lifestyle wagon. 

And yet, one must always maintain perspective: health is good, but obsession with body image and weight loss is not. Just for fun, here is one of my old columns written for the Australian Catholic newspaper The Report (the link below is the original title, and leads to the archived column on The Report's website.)

Whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make slim

Were I a cartoonist, I might have attempted an action-hero comic strip this week. Alas, we must await another day (or decade) for my rendition of ‘St Paul vs the Abdomeniser.’

Once a pejorative term, ‘navel gazing’ is now a vocation, and one that’s practised on numerous levels. Philippians 3:18-19 speaks of many “whose god is their belly; and whose glory is in their shame…”. Other sources translate ‘belly’ as ‘stomach’ but the word may also represent certain organs several centimetres south of that.

Biblical exegetes interpret this passage to mean indulging (and revelling) in one’s physical appetites and lusts, whether these be gluttonous, inebriating or sexual in nature.

Though we may serve our bellies, most of us hate them. North Americans employ various epithets for that midsection flab (doubtless Aussies could add a few colourful ones): pooch, chub, spare tyre, jelly rolls, love handles, muffin top, beer belly, baby belly, Buddha gut – to name just a few.

I know few terms for toned abdominal muscles—‘washboard stomach’ and ‘six pack’ come to mind—but most of us want them. The bodybuilding, weight loss and fitness industries demonstrate that the desire to eliminate one’s belly can also become a false god. If only I had a dollar (or lost a centimetre off my waist) for every time I’ve seen this ad teaser pop up online: “Reduce belly fat with this one weird old tip”.

I confess I’ve clicked more than once: the weird old tip invariably involves buying a weight loss program; it may require eating products I can’t pronounce; sometimes I don’t know what it involves other than a droning pseudo-doctor narrating an interminable video that I don’t have time to watch.

The first three definitions of “weird” are (in order): “odd”, “supernatural”, “of fate”. Many weight loss strategies surely fall into the “odd” category. Few are really fateful, in that no-one’s life is changed forever (though tragically, some people suffer permanent physical damage or even death because of zany diet-related drugs and stunts).

Ideally, fitness should contain a supernatural element, because most of us can’t achieve it (or anything, really) without God’s help. It’s that whole John 15:5 thing.

But man will never stop trusting in his own devices, and some of them are hilarious indeed. Just Google “Ab Machines” and prepare yourself for a belly laugh. My teen daughters and I sometimes watch late-night infomercials, and have seen these things in action (Lord help us, we are easily amused and don’t get out much):

“This machine helped me meet my wife!” (He doesn’t get out much either.)

“Stores under your bed!” (And that’s where it will stay, gathering dust, till the next garage sale.)

“The belt creates heat and sweats off the inches! That’s why people in tropical countries are so slim!” (No, many people in tropical countries are ‘slim’ because they are hungry, the tragi-irony of which is lost on hucksters and gluttons alike.)

Even the names are silly: ‘Abdomeniser’ (sounds as though it might have been invented by Vlad the Impaler), ‘Ab Crunch Bench’ (makes me crave sugary cereal), ‘Ab Rocket Trainer’, ‘Ab Circle Pro’ (funny to watch, once you get beyond the initial horror), AB Doer Twist (makes me crave big, soft pretzels), “Total Core 2” Ab Machine (version 1 must have been only Partial Core, hence the design upgrade), Ab Wheel (which need never be re-invented, for obvious reasons), Hula Chair (or as I like to call it: Malfunctioning Office Chair Possessed by Satan), Ab Flyer, Ab Glider, Ab Roller, Ab Coaster (heaven help us if those last two companies merge) , Yogima Massage Abdominal Exerciser, which is (wait for it) a hula hoop—with special sports-grade knobs on it, Only $70, Ab Flex Belt (“stimulates” your muscles with electrical impulses). This could also be called the Unicorn Fairy Pixie-dust Ab Belt, because it operates on the same principle.

You cannot get fit with batteries, Velcro, and wishful thinking. I even discovered an “Aussie Abs” exercise machine, which begs the question: how are Aussie abs different from Canadian abs?

Are the muscle groups in reverse order, due to their relative position to the equator?

The Aussie Abs ad reads: “This exercise equipment works very much like a pogo stick, except you are sitting down when using it.” I don’t know about you, but I can’t even imagine that. Not even after three cups of coffee.

You want a weird old tip? Try this on for size: regular prayer, proper nutrition, self-restraint, an active lifestyle, charity toward the needy, and not obsessing about your belly.

Old, yes; weird, not so much, except that so few people try it these days.

St Paul ostensibly approved of athletics, since he uses them as a positive metaphor for the spiritual life. Being healthy and strong is an objective good.

It only becomes disordered when we remove an “o”, so to speak, and turn a “good” into a “god”.

So crunch away (on your abs and your celery), but remember your life’s true goal and Whom it is you serve. 

Copyright 2013 Mariette Ulrich and The Report

I ask you, what chance does a girl have?

Especially an old girl like me, who scarcely ever has the willpower to exercise. I'm trying to lose weight, because a cardiologist told me to, and with good reason, because I am shaped like an apple, not an hourglass. But really, one of my daughters is an aspiring pastry chef, and she gets it into her head any old day of the week to make things like eclairs, cream puffs and (above) chocolate trifle. Not for any special occasion, but just because she feels like it. Which is really lovely, and really delicious, but also really calorific. And there are only five of us at home now (where once there were nine), so the temptation lasts for days and days. Self-control was never so difficult! 

Blogging is sketchy because... tomatoes

Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful--grateful, I tell you, that we can grow so much of our own food, in such a small area of land, in such a short growing season. But it's a lot of work.

Some of the 2016 Tomato Harvest
(we grew 5 varieties this year)

Mr P. had to build extra bins in the cold storage room.

The ripening trays

The little plum tomatoes that had to be taken off green because frost was threatening. 

Yet another box of plums, this one in the furnace room.

Every day I check all the boxes and bins for ripe or ripening tomatoes,
and bring them upstairs for processing. 

My turkey roaster full of salsa, ready to go in the oven.

It yielded 7.5 quarts of salsa. Which was a huge pain to process by canning (more on that story later).

I've also cooked up batches of pasta sauce, and we've processed many, many tomatoes for freezing. It helps when you have kids willing to peel and chop tomatoes.
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Time to get serious about Tea.

I'm cutting back on coffee and drinking more tea--not just in the morning, but all day long. I hope it will help me lose my "Christmas goodie" weight --and the other weight that's been piling on in the last 14 months or so. Of late, I've fallen into the very bad habit of snacking incessantly, so I figure if I substitute tea for snacks, that's at least one positive thing I can do. (Orally fixated people seem to need to have something in their mouths all the time. It's not very dignified, but you've got to work with what you have, until you can acquire the habit of not having something in your mouth all the time.)

I received this very lovely set from one of my goddaughters this past Christmas. The box is so pretty, I wondered just how much better it could get (especially since the fine print says: "Find 6 adorable gift boxes inside this tray.")

And by Jove, they are adorable! And they smell heavenly. And they taste as good as they smell. 

I love "tea things" too (as you may have guessed, if you've ever seen any of my posts about dishware). 

 A lovely teacup and saucer I received as a gift when I did a speaking engagement a few years back. The organization did not know that red poppies were one of my fave flowers--how cool is that? 

A vintage Hammersley teacup given to me by my uncle.

My favourite teapots: the little Brown Betty and the big cobalt baby were gifts from siblings.

This tea set is yet another vintage acquisition (not including the gravy boat in the centre, which was a wedding gift.) I have used the teapot, but not the coffee carafe--yet.  

And the love affair with Breville appliances continues at my house: 

My Christmas gift from Mr. P:

Programmable (yay!) and cordless (double-yay!)

Ooooh. You can get really serious when you're able to custom-pick your brew temperatures. 

And gee, do you think we have enough tea in the house? Some of this I purchased, some of it was gifted to us, and some of it was inherited last summer from a daughter who went overseas to work. So yeah, we gotta start drinking tea.
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Is identifying with Winnie the Pooh a good thing or a bad thing?

Head full of fluff: check ("Think! Think!" is almost an hourly mantra--welcome to middle age.)
Short: check
Round: check
Cute: not so much
Obsessed with food: check (see "Round" above)

Oh well, at least I saw this on Facebook yesterday. And it's true. Stoutness exercises are better than no exercises at all.

And after all that Christmas sugar, it's back to green smoothies. You KNOW you've overdone it when you are craving organic spinach. 

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At least the colour is improved, and other things are too.

Smoothies, continued. This time, rosy red-crabapple butter and berries masked the swiss chard. 

And the taste was good too. But not as good as this: 

Yes, daughters! I must sheepishly admit that I consumed my Christmas 2014 mulled wine gift only this past month. But really, who drinks mulled wine in Lent, Easter, or summertime? I pretty much had to wait for another winter. And it was worth the wait. 

Diet-wise, the first week of December did not feel exactly great. There were too many treats and lapses, and the schedule was too crazy. And yet last week, I managed my first treadmill run in ages: did a modest 2.5 km (yes, Imperial friends, I know that's a mere 1.55342798 miles, but who's keeping track?). Most surprising of all, the bathroom scale was my friend this week. It was only 1.8 lb down (from Dec 1), and yeah, it was probably all water, but down is down. It's encouraging.

But another week of Advent is nearly gone, and I'm starting to feel a bit frazzled: a sure indication that I need to force myself to slow down and spend more time in prayer.

Well there goes my Advent resolution… (diet update and such)

Not the author. (How I wish!)

One of my Advent resolutions (besides overcoming procrastination--which is why I'm making resolutions in Advent and not waiting till the New Year) was an intention to post on this blog every day. Contrary to what our overwhelming number of Followers might lead one to believe, I know for a fact that at least 3 or 4 people actually read this blog on a regular basis. (I'm trying to tell you how Very Special you are, because I'm willing to make the effort just for you!)

Yeah, I'm trying to post daily during the busiest Mom-season of the year (are there any seasons that aren't busy? I think not). Anyway, the last week was crazy and I'm sure it will only get more so as December ticks on. But for the first time in many years, I've already completed a good chunk of my Christmas shopping, which is kind of miraculous in itself. Maybe this year, I'll even get the gifts wrapped before 5:00 pm on Christmas Eve.

On the minus side, being away from home (and staying in the big city) for the better part of two days meant two things: special treats and restaurant meals, both of which have done no favours for my new diet. But I am not discouraged! That's the important part. (Catholics become practiced at that perseverance thing, because… sin…confession…firm purpose of amendment… sin…confession…lather, rinse and repeat). Despite falling off the healthy-eating wagon a few times in the last three days, I have been exercising every day since I started this (and YES, slogging through malls for hours on end counts! Especially if you're carrying heavy shopping bags).

Here is a fast fitness tip that I'll bet a lot of people, especially middle aged moms, don't know. If you sit on an exercise ball every day to put on your socks and shoes, in a year's time (probably less, like 6 months), you will have core muscles that you did not even know existed. I've been doing this for a long time (years), and I literally have 6-pack abs. Unfortunately, due to bad habits, genetics, and bad habits, they are currently hidden under an 8-pack of raw bun dough. (No, not gonna post pictures. There are enough of those online).
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If you can get beyond that whole 'Drinking Baby Poop' thing...

Use the same approach as tighrope walking: don't look down. 

Make a change for better health and drink more green smoothies! Granted, I did put in too much spinach this time, but it was in danger of spoiling and I didn't want to waste it. I also put in some homemade Mongolian Cherry juice for colour (and antioxidants) but it just couldn't overtake the spinach. It did taste much better than it looked.

After falling off the Healthy Lifestyle wagon repeatedly over the last few weeks months decade, I'm Starting Over (again). So today it's "Day 1" (for the 20th time) of my John the Baptist Diet. Yeah, it's kind of insanely optimistic to start a new health-program in Advent, but if I don't, I literally won't have anything to wear to church at Christmas, except my bathrobe. 

I'm also trying to get more exercise (that shouldn't be too difficult, since when you're doing "zero" there's nowhere to go but up), and if I post about it here, it should keep me somewhat accountable. Today I did about 20 minutes of cardio on my rebounder. 

Stay posted for further elaboration. 

Cheers!

Mine is cheap and doesn't fold. I think I'd like to get a better one someday.

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It's funny because it's true.

But the part that isn't funny is what the meme doesn't say: it doesn't say that if you don't exercise and don't eat right, you will gain weight, retain water, lack energy, not sleep well, gain weight, be chronically constipated, gain weight, get bloated and gassy, look awful, and Feel. Like. Crap. 99% of the time. Welcome to my world, from December 2014 until November 2015.

This is a long-running saga (as any of my girlfriends from high school can tell you). Like all too many girls and women who've lived through the modern and post-modern eras, I've spent a lifetime obsessing over those false standards of beauty and body image. Well who am I kidding? This sort of thing probably began with the invention of the corset (which probably happened 14 hours after Adam and Eve got booted from the Garden after the Fall, and only because it probably took Eve 13 hours to gather and weave together the twigs).

I am quite happy to say that since Nov. 2, I've turned over a new leaf with my eating and exercise habits, and am already feeling 90% better. (The other 10% has to do with annoying and ongoing medical issues, but c'est la vie--Doctrine of the Cross, and all that). It certainly is worth it to take decent care of your health--not that that's a revelation or anything. But Happy Friday anyway.
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I was on the Albert Einstein Diet but I've switched to a new one.

Is anyone else on this diet? I suspect many of us are. I guess you could also call it the Insanity Diet. This post is pursuant to this one, in which I (happily) announced that I AM NO LONGER OVERWEIGHT. Well, one comment on that post (Mrs. Sockey, I'm looking at you) hit the nail on the head: Christmas is a tough time to 'maintain'. She wasn't whistling Dixie.

Good-bye, fake Zero; hello actual zero.

Have I ever mentioned how much I like this stuff? Some time back, a friend posted a link on Facebook to an article describing how horrible soda pop is for you. I probably don't have to provide the link (a month of scrolling on FB wouldn't help me find it anyway), since you can google such research for yourself. Old-school pop has like a zillion teaspoons of sugar, and diet pop has artificial sweeteners that probably cause things like depression and brain cancer (and don't even help you lose weight, and I can think of no other reason to drink something that tastes like dishwater).