Friday, April 20, 2012

March of the spambots Chapter 27

Proffesionle writter "Imogen" wants to join the team at DOH! I'm shocked; flattered; amazed. How did she even HEAR of us? My fisks in red.

Howdy there,

egad, maybe she DOES know us, Mrs. B!

I hope you're keeping well.

Mutual, I'm sure. 

 I'm just getting in touch to ask if you're in need of any freelance writing at Dumb Old Housewives - if so, it'd be an honor to help out and I would love to get involved if you have any need for me.

Lord knows, we need help. And good help is so hard to find these days. Do you do windows? Can you cook? 

I'm 29 have been working full-time as a professional writer and researcher for five years;

Have you been paying your mom and dad rent all that time?  

 in that time there isn't a lot I haven't already covered (there are a few samples below for you to check out). Anything I send over would be written with the site's readership in mind

Hmmm... how can you know the site's "readership" if you're not one of our siblings, cuz that's who makes up 90% of the site's readership. 

 - as long as you're happy with the resulting material,

Sometimes I'm not even happy with what I write. 

 you'd be welcome to publish it as you see fit and the content will be owned by you entirely (in that I won't send it to anyone else, either before or after publication.)

Yeah, we're pretty dang uptight about copyright around here, seeing as how and iTunes are somehow in a position to profit from MY previously published columns without my consent. 

The good news is that I'd be able to offer my services at no charge;

Wow! That's incredibly generous of you! You have totally restored my faith in humanity. But how on earth are you finding time to do this, if you are already working full-time?

the only thing I would ask in return is that I'm able to include a link to a company within the article - nothing adult or in bad taste, just one of the professional businesses for which I freelance.

If they are truly professional, they should already have an advertising budget. And I'm not really sold on the promise that it won't be in bad taste. 

Otherwise I'd be happy to chat about alternative arrangements if you'd rather not link to a corporate site.
Do let me know if you're interested, and if so I can get something written for you over the course of the next few days. Needless to say, the offer is open to any other sites you might own as well as dumboldhousewives.blogspot.comI appreciate that this kind of offer is not for everyone however, so if I don't hear from you I won't trouble you again.

Yay! but not holding my breath on that promise. 

Very best,

Anyhoo, no thank you, "Imogen", we already have enough proffessionale writters who write for this site for free, and who link to things that are sometimes not in bad taste. 


  1. Imagine poor Imogen being tasked with soliciting likely sites in order to imbed a link to another business. Yuck.

    We had a rash of similar 'offers of help' from random owners of dating sites at The Feminine Gift. The first one had us excited that someone had found, and apparently liked us. The second made us say, "Hmmm...." before we cottoned on to their game.