Sunday, February 5, 2012

Do you have a permit for that Dr. Pepper?

This could only come from California. At least, that's what you'd like to believe.
"We recognize that societal intervention to reduce the supply and demand for sugar faces an uphill political battle against a powerful sugar lobby," the researchers say, "and will require active engagement from all stakeholders."
But such "tectonic shifts" in policy are possible, they say, pointing to bans on public smoking, limits on alcohol sales and condom dispensers in public washrooms. "It's time to turn our attention to sugar."
However, they're not the only ones who think the government should be looking after our sugar intake.

It may seem incongruous that the same folks who will stamp out your cigarette for you (or perhaps just drown it in your contraband cola) would also encourage you to engage in the "less risky" sex that condoms reassuringly offer. But it really comes down to self-control: specifically, no one should ever be required to exercise any. Cigarettes are bad for your health, therefore they should be banned. Promiscuity can spread STDs, therefore you must be provided with a condom. Too much sugar can cause obesity, therefore the sale of pop should be restricted. When it comes to your habits, the government should always be there for you! Heaven forbid that you should ever have to say "No" to yourself.


  1. First it was Big Tobacco, then Big Oil, then Big Mac. Who even knew there was Big Sugar? "Powerful sugar lobby?" Oh please.

    This makes me want to put ten MORE teaspoons of sugar in my Coke and inject it directly into my veins, while smoking a cigar and driving around the block in my 15-passenger van...forty times. Without a condom.

  2. I hope you know that "Julie and Julia" wasn't a Hollywood production. Its shameless promotion of a certain heart-disease-inducing dairy product was a dead giveaway that the film was entirely financed by Big Butter (also known by its code name, Big Butt.)